Rend

Joel 2:12-13
"Even now, declares the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart, and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love and he relents from sending calamity."

At my old church, people stopped bringing their bibles and started only bringing iPads to worship and to bible studies. I'm not turning my nose at that at all, I often find myself walking into meetings or gatherings with only my phone or iPad in hand, and patting myself on the back that I can walk into events almost empty handed. "You're simplifying", I tell myself . But to me, there's nothing like having my own personal bible with me, in hand, to reference and see my faith written, circled,  dated, starred and question marked in pages of scripture.  I try to make an effort to bring it, in settings I know it will be used. The pages of my bible have been with me through high-school, theology classes in college, bible exams, life transitions,  and with me as I teach your children about how God is at work.

Next to this passage in Joel, I have 3 dates written, all at least four years apart. I taught about this passage to a group of women this week, and was once again reminded about these 3 times in my life in which I clung to these words from Joel as comfort and precise direction.

To give a little bit of context, the prophet Joel, is writing in a time extreme drought and a massive locust plague in Judah. With such horrible circumstances and crisis, Joel calls people to repent. The lack of repentance, in his mind, can be the only reason why God would allow such awful things to happen.  So, Joel extends a call to prayer and repentance to the people of Judah.

We see the word "rend". There are words we see in scripture that I wished I used more often in the context of my everyday life, and I wish "rend" was one of them.  Rend means to tear something apart, or to give something away violently. In Jewish tradition, when Jacob saw Joseph's coat and thought Joseph had died, he rent (past tense of rend, I had to look it up) his garments. He tore them apart as an act of psychological control, and it was also a culturally sanctioned expression of grief.

I love this passage of Joel because it calls out the readers to do away with tradition, ways that we can repent and be closer to God, is giving Him control of your heart...not ripping up your clothes. Giving control of the heart may hurt. It may be painful.  Rend your hearts, give your heart to God as an expression of your grief, not your clothing. Rending your heart to God is an act of trust, obedience, and submission.

Submission isn't pleasant for me. I like to be in control. And so sometimes, I give God glimpses of submission or alternatives to it. I try to bargain with God with what I want to give, and what I want to keep. That's not how it works, as we know. Because this world isn't about me and my comfort. I want my life to look like a person perfectly submitted at the feet of Jesus, willing to do whatever He wants, whenever He wants, looking for opportunities to serve where He is at work. What does that take for me?

Rending.

Lots of it, giving and tearing the parts of my life I try to keep hidden, and giving them to Christ. It takes me giving it away... in complete trust.

I've talked with a loving and patient friend for a few weeks now about this issue. Which, is a first for me, to talk or share about it with anyone. It's one of my deepest most hidden sins.  As my dear friend listens, I try to explain to her why this will forever plague me, my lack of submission and crusade for control. I like to have control in all areas of my life, in my job, in my relationships, in my emotions, with my family.... I have no idea why that is.  Praise God for her kindness, grace, wisdom and continual listening ears because, my emotional stability and clarity of mind, have both been as stable and clear as a glass of Ganges River water would be.   As I continually wrestle with wholly submitting to Christ and allowing the Lord to have the entirety of heart, this piece of scripture makes its way back into my life.  Just as I've been asking and accosting my friend to explain my mental stability and variety of issues, I'm reminded of this passage.  I hear you, God, I hear you.

Rend your heart, Elizabeth. Return to Me, Elizabeth.

That should be my instinct reaction when things go bad. My impulse should be to draw closer to Him, repent so you can see and be a part of His working. But, so often, my instincts are to flee, lash out in anger or confusion by rending my garments and keeping my heart and real issues hidden. But, we're called to draw closer and rend to God what is fully His, our hearts. He desires for us to hide nothing from Him.

So friends, we see God speak to His people through Joel saying to return to Him.  Give Him your heart. Know more of Him through Fasting. Weep because you've wronged Him.  What is going to be your response as God calls you to Return To Him. Return to His Goodness. Return to His Grace. Return to His compassion.  Is your response going to be to rend?