Temporal

I've started this post about 200 times.

There are so many parts of my heart and grief that I want to share one day. I think a part of my own personal healing and restorative process is talking, and also putting words into a comprehensive form. I'm sure what I'm feeling and experiencing isn't different from what others of you in our congregation are feeling and experiencing.  But, I just want to publicly affirm, share and proclaim the faithfulness and nearness of Christ. Apart from the sadness and consuming nature of grief, I cling to the faithfulness of Him. I fasten myself tightly to the relationship Christ desires with me and all of us. In the last three weeks, there have been moments that I haven't been able to separate my reality and current task from the Holy Spirit's comforting presence and intersession. There have been moments of the Holy Spirit's presence, that have been so consuming and near, that I have just wanted to bask in it.

In a season that I have been so unprepared, unable and unwilling to give thanks, the Lord has softened my heart and has shown me me in the midst of utter chaos, and sadness we are still called to give thanks. We STILL have reasons in the midst of suffering to place ourselves in a posture of submission and reverence, because He still provides. Despite the instinct I have to run away from God in anger, and poorly attempt fix things on my own, He draws closer. He steps closer to the pain and chaos. I read this today in a devotion app I use, and thought it was so well written. It changed my perspective from the reality of time, to the eternal joy we will have when we are finally removed from suffering and pain, and fully experiencing the glory and holiness of God.

"Our hope is never in vain when it's in Jesus. Our thanksgiving in times of suffering is a testament to how temporary the pain is in light of our great eternal joy and everlasting hope."

I find great comfort knowing that this pain is temporary. This world is temporary. Even time itself is temporary.  We're being prepared for the ultimate fulfillment, living and dwelling with Christ in eternity.

So in publicly giving thanks, I know that I'm thankful for the Church. I'm grateful and humbled that the Lord orchestrated, designed and created people for people. In all of His wisdom, God knew that we would need physical reminders on earth of His mercy and love. We have hope that when we cannot do it ourselves, and we don't want to face the hard stuff alone, people walk beside us. Or sit. Or just cry. The beginning of my healing process has involved lots of people. Professionals to counsel me. Friends to cry with me. Mentors to check on me. Family to care for me. Leaders to open scripture with me. Colleagues to help me with my job. Dear friends to open their homes to me when I don't want to be alone.

I'm thankful that in the midst of crisis, the Lord has given me a few truths to hold onto; a few proclamations that have and will remain unshakable. I've repeated these truths to your children, and I will repeat them to you over and over, as they some days have proven themselves to be large portions of rest and security.

God hasn't changed.
God is in control.
The Lord hears us when we pray and talk to Him.
God desires for us to have a real and saving relationship with Jesus.
ChristChurch will always be a place of gathering and of welcoming.

In this season of giving thanks, being grateful, and open handedly and heartedly thanking the Lord for what He's given to us, my pastor, dear friend and mentor is at the top of the list. I'm thankful for Mickey's example of secure faith and unwavering commitment to Christ he showed on earth. I'm thankful to be a part of a congregation that is learning to heal and be unified through Christ's love. I'm thankful for friends who know and fill needs I have before I realize they exist. I'm thankful for the most precious group of children whose faith inspire and encourage me to trust God's sovereignty. But most importantly, I'm thankful for Christ's persistent, unfathomable and perfect love, that refuels me, never leaves me, and that challenges me to live in a way that is worthy of the Gospel and calling of Christ.